Chibi Hell
by grEMLin eVil
Summary: The rating is just for content and swearing. Kai is a Chibi. And he is a teenager. 2 Kai's. Only Chibi Kai is a cute hyper active brat. What made Kai so cold? X.X FINALLY FINISHED! please ignore mild angst in the begining...
1. Chapter 1

Breaking the habit by Linkin Park (theme song of 'Chibi Hell')

Memories consume

Like opining a wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not all right

So I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Then any time before

I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not all right

So I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the wall

'Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this it how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be all right

So I'm breaking the habit

Breaking the habit tonight

Title: Chibi Hell...in other words...Babysitting Chibi Kai

Summary: If it looks like Kai, sounds like Kai, but isn't Kai, then what is it? Chibi Kai!

Lil' Chibi Kai falls out of a tree...yes a tree...and lands in Kai's arms. Only thing is, Chibi Kai is sweet and innocent. Strange, huh? What was it that made Kai so heartless? Expect weird stuff, sick stuff, wacky crap and heaps of bad jokes. Thanks and I hope you enjoy. If you don't, then blame my friend, who seemed to find this story funny. If you want her e-mail address, phone number, home address or anything else, then don't hesitate to ask. Thanks.

Rated: R (for recommended-LOL)

Theme: Humor and dark, dank secrets

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Authoress: grEMLin EviL (ha, ha suck shit, it's me again!)

Chapter 1:

The old woman wailed as she threw her hands up in the air, wandering around.

"Ahhh! My poor, poor little kitty cat!"

Spotting Kai as he stood nearby training, the woman staggered over.

"Boohoo! My poor little kitty, kitty cat! Stuck up in a tree!"

Kai backed away, glancing nervously around him.

"What? What?"

"Oh, please, please kind sir, help me, please!"

"Err..."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, sir!"

The old women dragged Kai to the bass of an extremely tall tree. She pointed into the branches.

Kai took a grip of the tree and started to hump it.

(A/N: Like a dog...Hehehe...just kidding...Muahahahahahahaha-cough, cough-hahahahahahahahahahaha)

Kai took a grip of the tree and started to shake it, hard. The whole tree shook and the old women squealed. Suddenly, a small body fell from the branches. Kai caught it and found himself staring into a face exactly the same as his own, only smaller and younger.

Kai quickly dropped Kai...er...Chibi Kai, who was only wearing a G-string. (A/N: And this time I'm deadly serious. LOL)

The old lady stared.

"You raped your own brother!!!" she yelled.

Kai gasped.

"WHAT? NO! I don't know where he came from-WAIT-I don't even have a brother!"

The old women continued to scream.

"You kept him in your pants and he fell out!!!"

"What?" Kai stared at the crazed women.

"Get my kitty cat, you rapest! I want my cat! Now! You child molester!"

Kai growled and with an evil smirk he pulled his blade out of his pocket. He aimed at the branch on which a cute little tan kitten was clutching. Kai's blade sliced through the branch and he had just enough time to view the kittens wide blue eyes before the branch fell.

Luckily, the kitten landed on its feet. Unluckily, the branch landed on top of it.

SPLAT

The old women stared at the red and tan mess. Suddenly she gasped for air, clutching one arm. Almost in slow motion, she kneeled over. Dead.

Kai sighed. This really wasn't his day.

Kai quickly took Chibi Kai to his house to get him some clothes. Once dressed, Kai took him to Tyson's house. Unfortunately, Hilary was back from her trip to Australia. She took on look at Chibi Kai and let out a delighted squeal.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, he is SO cute!!!"

Kai groaned. He had plenty of bad memories of this sort of this sort of thing from when was little. And even though he was now 17, girls continued to coo over him. It was the main reason he was doing a crash course in martial arts, especially self-defense.

Chibi Kai, on the other hand, was allowing her to pull him into the large kitchen. When Kai entered the room, he found Chibi Kai seated in front of a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. Tyson was glaring at Chibi Kai, who was almost glowing with innocence.

Kai realized what the only difference between himself and Chibi Kai was (A/N: Except for age of course). Chibi Kai didn't have the blue tattoos on his face.

Before Kai could do anything, Hilary turned to Chibi Kai and asked:

"So, what's your name?"

Chibi was almost beaming as he gazed up at Hilary.

"Kai Alexander Hiwatari," said Chibi Kai. There was a shocked silence. Chibi frowned.

"Is something wrong, Hilary?" he asked in a small, rather pathetic voice.

"No-no-nothing!" stammered Hilary. She, everyone else, was glancing at Kai, Chibi Kai, then Kai, and Chibi Kai, then Kai, then Chibi Kai etc.etc.

Tyson frowned.

"Err...Kai?"

Both Chibi Kai and the older Kai looked at him.

"Err...you Kai," said Tyson, confused. He pointed to the older Kai.

"What is _your_ full name?"

Kai rolled his eyes before replying.

"Kai Alexander Hiwatari."

There was another shocked silence. Hilary squinted at the two Kais.

"Hey, you two look heaps alike!" she exclaimed.

"Well duh!" said Kai. He was about to explain that he was Chibi Kai and that Chibi Kai was he, but the Chibi spoke first.

"Can I stay here, Hilary? Please?"

Hilary looked at Tyson, who glared at Chibi Kai.

"No," Tyson finally said.

Chibi Kai's lip quivered. A big, fat teardrop fell from his eye. He sniffed, then slowly turned away. Tyson's face softened.

"Oh, alright, you can stay," he said gruffly.

"Yeah!" Chibi Kai yelled as he threw himself at Tyson, hugging him around the stomach. Kai shuddered. This was going to be torture.


	2. Chapter 2

OMG!!!! Beyblade G-Rev is coming to Australia on 13 th December and although that is a long wait, I am happy cause I got reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!! A very, very, very big THANKYOU to:

sasukegirl

Queen of Fantasy

Scars of the Pheonix

Drago-Kai

Dark Warrior 188

And to those that asked if I could make it Kai-Hilary, well I'll think about it...

Warning: If you like penguins, or are an animal rights freak, don't read. I repeat, DO NOT READ!!! I may have to increase rating. Please just tell me if I should, please, please don't complain...

Disclaimer: If I owned Beyblade they would all be making out and Tyson would be dead.

Chapter 2:

Chibi Kai was bored. He had been told to sit still and behave, but if he didn't get out of this chair he was going to scream.

Hilary entered the room. Chibi Kai gave her a sweet smile. She smiled back and walked over.

"Have you been here all day?" Hilary asked in a cutesy voice.

Chibi Kai nodded.

"Oh, yes Hilary. Can you play with me?"

Hilary squealed.

"Oooo, you are so cute!!!!"

Chibi Kai winced.

"Is that a yes?"

Hilary nodded.

"Yep."

Hilary took Chibi Kai into the lounge room, where Kai and Max were sitting.

"Why we don't we all tell some jokes?" Hilary suggested.

Kai and Max glanced at each other, hoping that the other boy would have a better idea. As neither of them did, they quietly agreed.

"So, who wants to go first?" asked Hilary enthusiastically. Chibi Kai's hand instantly flew up into the air.

"Oh me, me, pick me!!!!"

Hilary laughed.

"Ok! Kai, your turn!"

Kai shook his head in embarrassment as he watched Chibi Kai bouncing up and down in excitement.

"What's black, white and red and spins around very very fast?" said Chibi Kai.

Kai groaned and opened his mouth to answer, but Chibi Kai put a finger over his lips and shushed him. Nobody else had a clue.

"A penguin in a blender!" laughed Chibi Kai. Max and Hilary glanced at each other, before forcing a laugh. Kai rolled his eyes and stood up.

"That gives me an idea," Kai murmured as he left the room.

He came back shortly and pulled a blender and a penguin out from behind his back. The penguin chirped unhappily as Kai pushed into the blender. He pushed the start button.

"Chirp Chhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrppppppppp-"went the penguin as it was sucked under the blades.

Chibi Kai stared, completely silent with a shocked look on his face. He started to cry, hiccupping as he sobbed.

"Y-y-you k-k-killed the-the poor penguin!!"

Hilary and Max looked just as horrified.

At that moment Ray walked in through the door. He froze at the side of a crying Chibi Kai, who said, "That penguin, that poor, poor little penguin!"

Ray glanced at the red mess in the blender, then at Kai, then back at the blender. Then back at Kai.

"You didn't. You couldn't. You wouldn't. Did you?"

Kai was cacking (A/N: this means laughing very hard, and basically rolling around on the floor) himself but he heard Ray and sat up, wiping his eyes.

"Oh yes...you should see your face!!"

Chibi Kai ran out of the room, looking like he was about to be sick. Hilary and Ray who also looked a little unwell followed him.

Tyson entered the lounge room and took one look at the blender and...

"Raspberries!"

Tyson grabbed an empty cup, opened that blender lid and poured himself a cup of...stuff...and then drank it in one gulp.

Unfortunately, Chibi Kai came into the room at that moment. He saw Tyson and screamed.

"You drank the penguin!"

Chibi Kai ran back out of the room screaming. Tyson looked at Kai, who started to laugh again, then at the blender, then at the now empty cup in his hand. He dropped the cup.

"Oh my god!" Tyson gasped before he too ran out of the room, heading in the general direction of the bathroom.

Ray came back and sat down next to Max, shaking his head.

"How could you have been so cruel, so, so...where did you get the penguin?"

Kai stopped laughing. He glanced down at his -Ahem- and looked up at Ray.

"You don't want to know," Kai said. Ray frowned.

"Yes, Kai, I do want to know," Ray said.

Kai glanced down at his –Ahem- more obviously.

"Oh..."said Ray. "You're right, I don't want to know."

He quickly left the room, to go join Tyson in the bathroom again. Max sat very still.

"No really Kai. Where did the penguin come from?" Max asked in a confused voice.

Kai once again glanced down at his –Ahem-.

"Mass Production," Kai said.

Max still looked confused.

"Look, Max, did your mother ever tell you were you came from?" asked Kai, raising his eyebrows. Max nodded, then his eyes widen in shock. He too ran from the room, and the sound of mass vomiting could be heard. Kai couldn't help it. He started to laugh again, absolutely cacking himself.

Later that day, Hilary took Chibi Kai for a walk to keep him away from Kai. Every time Kai walked into the same room as the poor Chibi, Little Kai would begin to scream hysterically. It didn't help that Kai had taken to chirping softly in people's ears.

"Chirp Chhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrppppppppp-"

Hilary shook her head. She hadn't thought she would ever see the day that Kai Hiwatari would behave so immaturely. She would hardly have even expected Tyson to behave like that.

Chibi Kai and Hilary were approaching Tyson's house. They were in the middle of the road when a huge horn sounded. Two headlights swam into view and Hilary screamed at the sight of the large truck. (A/N: Imagine one of those monster trucks that always seem to hit people in horror stories, because their going too fast, and the driver doesn't even notice the victim and just keeps going. The victim only ever has time to scream before –splat- and when the trucks gone, all that's left is a small red smear and...but I'll stop now 'cause I think I might be freaking some people out.)

The truck was only a few meters away when –slam-, something smashed into Hilary and Chibi Kai, sending them spinning away from the truck and off the road. The truck speed past them, running over whatever it was that had saved Hilary and Chibi Kai.

Hilary got unsteadily to her feet. She hugged Chibi Kai, relived that he was still alive. Chibi Kai whimpered, staring at something over Hilary's shoulder. She slowly turned around and screamed at the sight before her. It was Kai. Lying, bleeding, on the ground. He lay completely still. It was hard to see much, but from the angle Hilary was on, it almost looked like Kai's legs had been crushed. And his arms. And his...well, he simply looked flat. (A/N: Hmmm, yes well...squashed.)

Hilary stood up and ran over to Tyson's house. She spun into the kitchen and grabbed the phone. She quickly dialed the number. 9499 7843. (A/N: Sorry, wrong number.) 000. Or it could have been 911. (A/N: I wouldn't know, what country is this?)

A machine answered. (A/N: again I am just making this up.)

"For police assistance, press 1. For an ambulance, press 2-"

Hilary quickly pressed the correct button, 2. This time it was a human who answered.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Hilary almost screamed. If she was calling an ambulance, then there was more then _just _a problem.

Instead she said, "My friend got hit by a truck!"

"Where are you?" asked the person on the other end of the phone.

Hilary quickly gave the address.

"And what is your friends name?"

"Kai Hiwatari."

"Really? Oh, and the ambulance is on it's way. But Kai Hiwatari? You sure?"

Hilary frowned. _What the hell was going on?_

"We had an anonymous call a couple of days ago for Kai Hiwatari, and when we got there we realized that it was abuse. You should have seen the state that he was in. But, typical of most abuse cases, he refused to come to the hospital. Lucky for him the cuts and bruises were all under his clothes. It also looked like a rape case, but we didn't get the chance to check that out in more detail."

Hilary stood very, very still, gapping at the phone in shock. Rape, abuse, Kai? Hilary dropped the phone back onto its hook at the sound of the sirens, effetely blocking the mans voice as he went on about things she really didn't need (and want) to know.

RR


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hilary and the Bladebreakers were sitting in the hospitals waiting room. Kai had been taken straight to the critical ward, then to the operating theatre. Chibi Kai was slowly rocking backwards and forwards.

Suddenly the doors to the theatre burst open. A crowed of tired doctors and nurses stamped their way over to the Bladebreakers.

"We're so sorry..."

"We really did try our hardest..."

"But, you see, we couldn't..."

"I'm afraid to say that..."

"Well, the thing is..."

"It really wasn't our fault..."

"What was he doing in front of a truck in the first place?"

Tyson felt like someone had filled his stomach with lead. He slowly stood up, his face a cold mask of anger. Max couldn't help but think that Tyson looked a lot like Kai. (A/N: oh my god it's a miracle!)

"What do mean?" said Tyson. "You say you tried your hardest, but it's kinda obvious that your best just wasn't good enough. Now turn around, go on, and save my friend!"

A slow, sarcastic clapping sound came from the doorway.

Every one turned to see the Demolition Boys unknown girl standing in the said doorway. Tala lowered his hands and stalked over.

"A little birdie told us that the infamous Kai Hiwatari was dead. We came to...pay our respects..."

The girl hurried forward. She had shoulder length, spiky red hair, was amazingly short and had the same face markings as Kai, only in red.

"Is it true?" she asked.

Tyson glanced at a doctor, who sadly nodded. The girl let out a wail, before shoving her way into Kai's room.

Tala shook his head.

"You must excuse my sister. She and Kai were...close..."

A receptionist strode forward, offering one of the doctors a phone. He walked off a short distance, and the others could here him talking about the extent of Kai's injuries and how he had sustained them. Walking back, the doctor offered Tyson the phone.

"Hello?" said Tyson.

"Hi! I'm a reporter for the BBA magazine, and I was wondering if you could tell me-"

"Hey! Are you that guy who did that scope on Rei and Mariah?"

"Why, yes I am!"

"Then in that case, I'm not telling you anything! You broke them up!"

"Really? Maybe you'd like to tell me the details, over coffee! But for now, how is our poor Kai?"

"None of your business."

"So, his dead?"

"What! How did you find out?"

"I didn't! I truly didn't know of his exact condition, but now I have a headline!!! 'Fare well, Captain Kai!' or 'The Death of Kai. The Death of Beyblade?' How do they sound? Or maybe-"

"Look, his...er...not dead! His just a little...unwell..."

"How unwell?"

"A little...look, I don't have time to-"

The door to Kai's room burst open, and the Bladebreakers gasped at the sight of Kai. He was pale and obviously very weak, but alive! Tyson forgot the journalist on the other end of the phone line in his joy.

"Oh yeah! You're alive, Kai old buddy!"

"Alive you say? Now that's a headline! 'Kai, back from the dead' or 'Zombie Kai. Is he really alive?' What do you think?"

Tyson groaned and hung up the phone. Tala and the other Demolition Boys glared at Kai suspiciously.

"Is he really alive? As in, kicking?" said Spencer.

Kai nodded, looking worn out.

"Oh, man!" whined Ian. "No fair!"

"We came here to see Kai dead! How dare you take that away from us!" growled Tala.

Bryan glances, almost nervously, out the window.

"We could get into major trouble if we go back to the Abbey, especially since we never had permission to leave in the first place," he said.

Tala nodded.

"Come on, sis, we're outta here!"

Tala's sister looked up at Kai, who was leaning heavily on her. She gave a sad smile, then shook her head.

"Sorry, Tala," she said. "My place is here. With Kai."

One of the doctors wiped away a small tear. She sniffed.

"That is one of the most romantic, beautiful things I have ever seen!"

Tala pretended to chuck, then waved to his teammates to follow him. In the doorway, he paused to look back at his sister, who was standing with her arms around Kai. Tala rolled his eyes then left. The phone rang.

"You haven't been watching freaky movies again, have you?" joked Max, looking at Kai's girlfriend. To his surprise, she nodded.

"Yeah, I watched one..." she gasped. "7 days ago!"

She let go of Kai and edged towards the phone. She picked it up.

"Hello?" she said nervously. An ugly voice was heard on the other end.

"Your time is up!"

The girl let out a small scream and dropped the phone. She backed away with a scared look on her face. Everyone else stared at the phone.

"Hello? Hello?" came a small voice from the phone. Chibi Kai picked it up.

"What do you want?" he squeaked. Tala's sister helped Kai to sit down, but she paused, looking at Chibi Kai, then Kai, then Chibi, then Kai, Chibi Kai, Kai, Chibi Kai, Kai etc.etc.

"As I was saying, your time is up! I'm sick of waiting for the facts. I want to speak to Kai himself!"

Chibi Kai sighed. It was that journalist. Chibi Kai didn't bother to speak to him, he just hung up. Turning to face Kai, Tyson frowned.

"The doctors said that you were dead! What are you doing here?"

"You sound disappointed," said Kai dryly.

"No, no! I'm just...confused..." said Tyson. Kai also frowned.

"I remember being hit by a truck. I blacked out, and then woke up again in the hospital. Some gave me a strong anesthetic, and I fell asleep. Some time later, I had the strangest dream. I was floating in darkness and this voice called out to me. I saw this face...it lent down and-"Kai stopped, looking embarrassed. Tala's sister looked just as uncomfortable.

"Yes?" Said Hilary.

"Whoever the person or god was they...they...er...well, they kissed me, and I woke up," finished Kai, blushing. One of the female doctors sighed. Another (male) doctor nodded in a knowing way.

"Hmmm...Yes, the kiss of life. It only works when you are kissed by your one true love."

Tala's sister coughed slightly. Kai jumped slightly, before turning to his friends.

"Erm, err, this is Kara, my girlfriend, unfortunately also Tala's sister," he said.

Kara gave a nod, and blushed when she saw the way that Hilary was looking at her. The other girl was glaring at Kara with a surprisingly ugly look in her eyes.

A few days later, the Bladebreakers, Hilary and Chibi Kai were visiting Kai. He was coming out of the hospital in a few days. Hilary opened her BBA magazine and gasped at the headline. 'Kai brought back to life with love!'

The story said how Kai had been hit by a truck, how he had stopped breathing and had been given up for dead. Apparently, his friends had refused to give up on him and had called his girlfriend who saved him by giving him the kiss of love.

Hilary threw the magazine down with a snort of disgust. Every one turned to face her.

"Hey, what's up, Hil?" said Tyson, in a concerned voice. The Bladebreakers smirked at each other while Hilary scowled.

"It's nothing, just-"she stopped, listening. Outside the room she could make out the distinctive voice of Voltaire Hiwatari. Hilary turned to Kai to say something, but he had frozen and was staring at the door. It was obvious that he had heard it too.

"Everyone get out, or hid," said Kai in a flat, toneless voice that gave nothing away. The others frowned but said nothing. They quickly ducked into a cupboard.

Voltaire came striding into the room. He and Kai stared at each other in silence until Voltaire casually lent forward and hit Kai in the back of the head. Kai's body stiffened and he fell back onto the bed. Voltaire took his hand away, revealing the small needle he had used to sedate Kai.

With forced patience and growing horror, Max, Tyson, Hilary, Chibi Kai, Kenny and Rei watched as Voltaire slowly and deliberately broke Kai's middle fingers. He worked his way through the digits until each of Kai's fingers were broken, in at least 3 places. Again with the carefulness and precision of a doctor, Voltaire set the breaks, in the wrong places. The machine that recorded and showed Kai's heart beat speed up, although Kai's face showed no emotion.

Hilary had to swallow a gasp as Voltaire pulled out a sharp knife and turned Kai onto his stomach. Voltaire pulled up Kai's top and began to carve into the flesh. The heart monitor began to beep faster and louder, although again you wouldn't know it from looking at Kai's face.

Kai must of regained consciousness because one hand moved forward and hit the button to call a nurse. Voltaire jumped and quickly put away the knife. He backed out of the room and Kai's friends watched him hurry away before they burst out of the cupboard. They were unable to keep the disgusted and horrified expressions off their faces. The heart monitor had already slowed to a normal beat.

When the nurse came in, Kai greeted her with a killer smile and an apologetic wink.

"Sorry," Kai murmured. "I accidentally pressed the button."

The young nurse simpered and nodded, agreeing with Kai and even offering to bring in something to eat or drink, which Kai declined. Rei shook his head.

"God, you're a charmer!" Kai sniffed in distain.

"I apologize if I chose to hid my charismatic self from you barbarians."

OMG...this thing is getting worse...flamers are welcome...I have run out of inspiration...I'm off my sugar high, in which I write everything. If you have any ideas, fell free to tell me...Thanks.

Ok, reviews:

Starparrot: glade you liked it. I thought it was funny too...

meg-jennings: well, f you...sorry...the ambulance guy has a lose tongue...you know when you know something that and no body else does, and you really, really want to tell someone? Wait, you probably don't have enough, if any friends, who tell you crap...oops, that was uncalled for...lets just say sugar highs back...

that 'lil midget' fell out of the tree in a G cause:

you'll find out later

Kai used to cross dress (JK)

CAUSE I SAID SO

Don't crap about stuff without knowing the facts...try to catch on faster...

Some person( ): I might still make it Hilary/Kai. I need more people to say...or you could go completely ballistic and review again and again to say NO to the pairing.

Thanks for the YAH!

Sasukegirl: I know what you mean 'bout the sugar...mmm...sugar...(drools)... WTF are you talking about? Kai soup? WTF? It was a friggin' penguin a blender!!!!

Queen of Fantasy: oops, sorry...hehe! I thought it was funny, and so did others! If you have any ideas feel free to tell. This is humor, but this chap is a little angsty. I solemnly swear to try harder to try and make the rest better. (fingers crossed behind back)

7


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

I'm going to be updating at irregular times, instead of my usual Monday arvo. Sorry, I'm changing schools, it's end of year holidays, life sucks.

Anyway, I'm going to try and write, seeing as I haven't got a clue as to what's going to happen. I'll try. Sorta.

Hands out Kai posters to reviewers Thank you! What do want next time?

Disclaimer: grEMLin does not own Beyblade. If she did Kai and Rei would be constantly making out and Max…Max would be eating sugar…because he is the greatest…and the most handsome…and so is Tyson…WHO WROTE THIS? MMMAAAXXX!!!!

Max: Err…Pixie Stick?

What's a pixie stick?

………………………………………………………………………………...

Kai sat down in his seat at the restaurant. It had been a week since he had gotten out of the hospital.

FLASHBACK

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep- beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-

"Ahhh!" Kai groaned. He was sick of that bloody heart monitor. It was really starting to get on his nerves. I mean, Voltaire was gone, so there wasn't any reason for Kai to suddenly die. Kai frowned. Well, maybe if Tyson decided to visit at mealtime…

It wouldn't hurt to disconnect the monitor, would it?

"Noooo!!!!!!! Kkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!"

_Huh? What's going on?_

"We thought you would be ok…and now you're dead!!!!"

_What the fuck is going on?_

"Tyson, what's- oh my god, Kai!"

_Could someone please tell me what's going on?_

"We need to tell someone, anyone!"

_Yeah, what about telling me?_

"We'd better- no Max. Don't come in! Please, you don't want to see!"

_See what?_

"Oh…he looks so peaceful, almost as if he's asleep."

_God damn it, I am asleep!_

"Should we call a nurse?"

_No! I'm not dead! Check the heart moni-SHIT._

"Well, we can't just stand here…"

_Why not?_

"Think we had better…" 

_Better what? Why am I suddenly suspicious?_

"He looks so much younger."

_Go away Hilary. What's that shadow over my eyes?_

"I've always wondered…" 

"Hilary, you bitch, get off me!!!"

"What…Kai…How…KAI!!!"

"KAI?"

"Hello. Yes, my name is Kai…"

"How? I mean, your heart monitor, it…still hasn't started beating!!!!!"

"Help! Zombie? Zombie!"

"Cool it, Tyson. Yeah, I, um, turned it off Rei…sorry…"

END OF FLASHBACK

(A/N: shit!!! There goes my laptop battery, I have to go!)

(A/N: muahahahahahahahahaha! I'm back!!!!!)

"…and I'll have the lobster, the calamari, the fish-of-the-day, crab salad and those little ones. The largest size pizza with everything on it, two smaller garlic pizzas and a margarita, medium size thanks. Um, can I also have…"

Kai blocked out the sound of Tyson's ordering. He had a sneaky suspicion he was going to be the one paying for the meal. Or meals, if Tyson got his way.

"…the beef, pork, lamb all without gravy. Oh, look, sausages! I'll have 3 of each type, chips on the side, no salad…"

With a sigh, Kai lent over and grabbed the menu. Tyson opened his mouth to object, saw the look on Kai's face, and thought better of it.

Tyson felt his hands slowly curl into fists. Hilary had been all over Kai, ever since they had entered the restaurant. Even though Kai's girlfriend was sitting there, right next to Kai. Kaira, or whatever her name was.

Tyson had had enough. If Hilary lent over Kai one more time like that… Right, that was it.

Kai just had time to duck as a bowl of chips went sailing his way. Luckily they missed. Unluckily, they hit the old guy behind him, who picked up a plate of salad and hurled it Kai. He missed and the food landed all over some women. Her husband grabbed another huge plate of salad and hurled it at old man, who ducked behind Kai. The salad settled in Kai's hair. Everyone at his table froze.

Kai slowly stood up, carefully picking all the lettuce out of his hair. He reached forward, just as calmly, to pick up a bowl of soup. He stepped out from behind his table, ignoring the people trying to stop him.

The man wasn't too happy at having hot chicken soup poured over his head. He blindly grabbed a bread roll, sending it spinning through the air. Within seconds a full-scale food fight was under way.

Chibi Kai was shrieking with glee as he hurled large amounts of food at random people. His shouts became whines when Kai reached up and dragged him off the table and out into the street.

Somehow, Kai had managed to remain spotless, as if not a single drop of food had dared to land on him.

Chibi Kai shook his head. He wished he could be like that.

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Hello people! Sorry for such a short chapter, I'm really busy. As a matter of fact, I ran out of ideas, so if you have any, I'm open to suggestions. Thanks.

RR!


	5. Chapter 5

Chibi Hell: Chapter 5.

Breaking the habit by Linkin Park (theme song of 'Chibi Hell')

Memories consume

Like opining a wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not all right

So I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Then any time before

I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not all right

So I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the wall

'Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this it how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be all right

So I'm breaking the habit

Breaking the habit tonight

(Haven't done this in a long time!)

Title: Chibi Hell…in other words…Babysitting Chibi Kai

Summary: If it looks like Kai, sounds like Kai, but isn't Kai, then what is it? Chibi Kai!

Lil' Chibi Kai falls out of a tree…yes a tree…and lands in Kai's arms. Only thing is, Chibi Kai is sweet and innocent. Strange, huh? What was it that made Kai so heartless? Expect weird stuff, sick stuff, wacky crap and heaps of bad jokes. Thanks and I hope you enjoy. If you don't, then blame my friend, who seemed to find this story funny. If you want her e-mail address, phone number, home address or anything else, then don't hesitate to ask. Thanks.

Rated: R (for recommended-LOL)

Theme: Humor and dark, dank secrets

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Wait. I own the laptop with which I am writing this, Kairi, I kinda own Chibi kai and the ideas. Not to mention the randomness of this. The poem belongs to Kirsten Murphy. I only changed a few words. Thanks.

Authoress: grEMLin EviL (ha, ha suck shit, it's me again!)

From the role of superficial debutante 

Chibi Kai stared at the ceiling. He was…wait for it…bored! This really didn't come as a surprise as everyone but Gramps was at school. Chibi Kai sighed and checked the cloak. Only another three hours to go before Tyson, who had the least subjects, would be home. In the mean time…

I resign 

Chibi Kai carefully opened Hilary's bedroom door. He was sent reeling back by the extremely, shockingly strong smell of perfume. Chibi Kai gulped and shook his head to try and clear it, as if the perfume had managed to enter through his ears.

From the role of starlet wannabe 

Oh, look! A diary! Perfect…(insert evil laugh here) Chibi Kai picked up the pink covered book, holding it like it was a germ infested piece of toxic waste. After all, it lived its life in a girls bedroom…

Chibi Kai opened to the first page.

I resign 

Hilary was officially one of the most boring people Chibi Kai had every meet. The first three quarters of her own little private diary were full of homework problems, good/bad teachers and how much she hated Beyblade. Chibi Kai paused. What was Beyblade?

From the role of trophy boyfriend 

But the last quarter was interesting. Oh yes. Very interesting. Who knew that Hilary had the biggest crush on one Kai Hiwatari? Chibi screwed up his face in disgust. This chick had problems, the pervert. Of course, plenty of girls imagined Kai in the shower, but this was bizarre…

I resign 

Chibi Kai put down the book and indulged himself with a predatory grin. Hilary was going down. Chibi Kai slipped the book into a plastic bag, binding it tightly before putting it in his pocket. He didn't want to get girl germs, did he?

Chibi Kai hesitated before entering another room on the other end of the house. This was the room Kai stayed in when he was over. Even Gramps never came in here.

From the role of popularity 

Chibi Kai crossed himself then pushed open the door. He wasn't religious, but any protection was welcome. Chibi Kai knew he was the only living person who could get away with going through Kai's belongings alive. But then, Kai wasn't so twisted to kill himself.

Chibi finally found what he had been looking for. Kairi's phone number. Part one in his evil scheme.

The role of common enemy 

"Hello, Tala speaking?"

Oh dear. This wasn't part of the plan. Time to pray, to any gods listening.

"Hn."

"Oh, Kai, I suppose you want to speak to Kairi, then?"

"Hn."

"Sure, here she is…"

The role of hurtful assassin 

Kai burst through the door at around three in the morning. Everyone stumbled out to see what all the fuss was about. Kai sat down at the kitchen table. Or more to the point, on the kitchen table. After being yelled at for being so late and making every one worried, snapped at for missing training, cried on by a very distressed Chibi and drowned with milk (which Max insisted would make everything ok), kai finally cracked.

I resign 

"Kairi and I broke up. Happy?"

Well, Hilary defiantly was. Chibi Kai smirked slightly, but then joined in the general, "oh, poor Kai" talk. Tyson, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to kill someone.

Kai had this dazed, faintly confused look on his face. He was being ultra polite. After half an hour or so, he had to ask.

"Why the fuck does this matter?"

From the role of general disappointment 

"Well, you're obviously upset and as we're your friends-"

Kai chuckled and shook his head.

"Nah, we were gonna split anyway. It's the reason why we split that I agreed to go for a drink with Boris."

"Boris?" asked the others in confused, shocked or angry voice.

"Yeah. Nice guy."

The role of only child 

"So, why did you…um…break up?" asked Rei. Kai frowned.

"I don't remember." He stumbled his way to bed. The others glanced at each other, eyes wide. Max made the loopy sign, twirling one finger around his ear. Rei shook his head and performed the drunk sign, titling his head back while making swigging motions with one hand. Tyson frowned.

"What category?" Max and Rei both stared at him blankly. "You know, is it a movie, book, song, TV program? I think Max's means crazy, but I'm not sure if your charade is of thirsty or drinks…"

The role of guilty son 

Hilary shook her head.

"So does anyone have any idea why-"? Just before she could finish her sentence, Chibi Kai came running in, looking extremely scared.

"It's Kai! There was this little pink book in his room, and he was reading it and now he can't stop swearing and…and…and…"

I resign 

"H I L A R Y!!!!!!!!!!!"

From the aching regret 

"Oh, shit!"

The torturing what ifs? 

"Wow. Hilary swore. Its…It…It's a miracle!"

The loneliness 

"Shut up, Max."

The unworthiness 

"See, Tyson? She swore again! She's on a role!!!"

From the sickening façade 

"Max. My life could be over and YOU CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I JUST SWORE!?!"

I resign 

"Was it something I said?"

And I wait 

"H I L A R Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME HERE NOW, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!"

To be free 

"…help…"

To begin again 

"Err…yes Kai?"

_And to live again_

"Can you please tell me something, Hilary?"

As me 

"Why are you a sick, perverted, stuck up, bitch, with a 10 foot pole lodged up your arse?"

Hello! Review on your way out! Thanks!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Chibi Hell

This time I'll cut to the chase…er…story…

Disclaimer: grEMLin does not own any of the 'for Dummies' books. She would like to thank konfizkate91 for this idea. She does not own the Beyblade characters or –

Thanks, that'll do!

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Kai had had enough. The whole team was slacking off. Even Chibi Kai was being a lazy little sod. It was time for action. Harsh action.

"Alright everyone! Listen up!"

"What, to you? No thanks, I've got enough brain damage as it is."

Kai allowed himself to be swallowed up in the fury he had been feeling all week. He reached down and grabbed Chibi kai around the neck.

"Now you listen to me you little-"

"I said," squeaked Chibi. "I'm already dumb enough, thanks!"

There was silence as every one looked at kai to see what his reaction would be. To their surprise and horror, he was smiling.

"Alright then." Kai let go of Chibi Kai's neck. "You can stay here. By yourself."

"Oh, no Kai! Kai's just a kid and-"

"-And since when did I ask your opinion, Hilary? Go pack, all of you! No, not you, Kai!"

When every one was ready to go, which took ages as Tyson kept on packing too much, they pilled into a bus. Hilary and Kai stayed back for a second, to talk to Chibi Kai.

"Now you be good-"

"If you die, I'll bring back a lollipop for you-"

"-Don't use the phone-"

"-Be cruel to strangers-"

"-Feed the pets-"

"-I've already killed the pets-"

"-Don't stay up all night-"

"-I've changed the locks-"

"-Eat the right food-"

"-And I'll be locking you in-"

"-Don't watch too much TV-"

"-I've cut the power-"

"-Write a letter if you need help-"

"-You don't need to know where we're going-"

"-Miss you, have fun!"

"-Enter my room and you're dead!"

Chibi Kai's eyes widened. Unlike Hilary he had heard every word Kai had said, from 'be dead' to 'no power' to 'I'll kill you'. He had only one thing to say.

"Help…"

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They had only been on the bus for a little while, when Tyson started. And once he had started, he couldn't stop.

"Kai?"

"Hn."

"Are we there yet?" (At this point Hilary grabbed her book, Kenny opened dizzi, Max turned on his Walkman and Rei shut his eyes.)

"No."

"Oh. Ok!"

10 min. later

"Kai?"

"Hn."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Ok then."

7 min. later

"Kai?"

"Hn."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Oh. Ok, thanks."

4 min. later

"Kai?"

"Hn."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Gee, not there yet, ok thanks."

1 min. later

"Kai?"

"What!?!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No!!!!!!!"

"Ok, ok! Geez!"

20 sec. Later

"Kai?"

"No-No, we're NOT there yet!!!!"

"Huh? I was just gonna ask if I could-"

"Fine! Fine, do whatever! I don't care!"

"-If I could ask you something?"

"What?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Arghhhh!!!!!!"

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"Kai?"

"Hn."

"Are we there yet?"

"N- Oh, yes, YES, thank god, we are here!"

"Umm…whatever you say Kai…whatever you say…"

The reason for Tyson's disbelief came in the shape of a run down old cottage, surrounded with weeds and wild flowers.

"Kai?"

"I said yes! YES we are here!"

"You sure, 'cause this doesn't look like such a great place. No offence."

"Offence taken. Now get inside. All of you."

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After a whole week with a totally pissed off Kai, the rest of the Bladebreakers were glad to get back to Tyson's. But what they found there was enough to make them wish they were training.

"Kai Alexander Hiwatari!?!?!?" Chibi Kai looked up at Hilary with wide eyes.

"Yes, Hilary?" he asked, innocence clear in his cute little voice.

"I-well-wh-where-why-how," Hilary spluttered staring at the destruction that was once the neat, clean interior of the Granger household, littered with books like Sorcery for Dummies,Magic for Dummies, Necromancy for Dummies and Self Obliteration for Dummies. The others reactions couldn't have been more different from hers.

Rei was staring around at the mess with a look close to awe.

Max had discovered a sugar pile and was rocking backwards and forwards, humming tunelessly with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

Kenny had pulled out Dizzi and was recording the scene of destruction with a slight smile hovering on his lips.

Tyson was also rocking backwards and forwards, but he hadn't taken any sugar. He was imagining his grandfather's reactions when he got back from his trip to America.

And Kai? Kai had spotted a still unbroken vase and was carefully edging towards it.

"What are we going to do with you, Kai?" Hilary asked Chibi, her hands on her hips and her back to her teammates. "We could go the doctors and order some medication-"

SMASH!

Everyone whipped around to see a smirking Kai standing over the remains of a $100, 000, 000 vase.

"What-?" gasped Hilary in shock. Kai strode forward and grabbed Chibi Kai by the arm.

"As Chibi here is…well, me…then it is my responsibility to punish him."

Hilary gaped wordlessly at the older Kai. What could she say?

"Um, sure, whatever…"

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Well? I would like to give a really, really big thank you to KuriQuinn for reading my stuff (to others: she is a truly terrific author, I love her stuff, go read it!). Also, big thanks to others who reviewed, sorry for not being able to personalize my responses hands out Kai plushies . THANK YOU!

Last one: Big thanks to Kairi for helping me to decide what was going on with this fanfic. I'm glad I didn't delete it, now!


	7. Chapter 7

Hey! I'm back! Sorry for not updating for yonks! But not my fault!

Here are the reasons:

1) I was banned from the Internet at home and at the library you can't use disks… and the school computers are too slow!

2) My laptop broke! So I had trouble typing this stuff up. But it's all better now!

3) I moved schools! The stress is killing me!

4) Lack of inspiration. You can probably tell… T.T

5) I wanted to update all my stories at once.

6) Family issues… None of your bees wax.

7) Friend issues. They either hate me or need me! All of them…

8) Started several new stories (see below)

9) I have a website and a profile on gaia. It's hard work keeping them up to date. Which I'm not… :P

But now I'm back! And to say sorry I started two new stories: .Bayblade/quest01 and He loves me… He loves me not. They both only have 5 chapters, so don't be mad! H.L.M-H.L.M.N has been postponed but will be up soon!

I've also taken the time to write a 3-part story with my best friend. It's called Vita Post Mortem, by shadowy recesses OTM. Yes, that does mean something… Anyway, check it out. I've also decided to make a few changes. I'm going to delete Collections and use them for my website, and I've got a new one shot, called I don't believe anymore.

Title: Chibi Hell chapter:

Argh! I have, like, no idea what's going on in this story. If you want me to stop or keep going, you have to say, otherwise I'll stop!

Shit man, I don't even know what happened in the last chapter!

Chibi Kai was bored (A/N: yes, I know, again! But interesting things happen when he's bored!). He made his way over to where Hilary was making sandwiches.

"What are you doing?" Chibi Kai asked in a cute voice. Hilary smiled down at him.

"Making sandwiches," she said. Chibi Kai gritted his teeth. It was hard when the only person as smart as you was… you.

"_Why _are you making sandwiches?" he asked, rephrasing his question.

"We're going for a bush walk!" sang Hilary, twirling around. Tyson, Max and Rei walked in, greeting Hilary and Chibi Kai.

"Where's Kai?" asked Chibi Kai. Nobody knew, although he was "…probably mutilating a penguin…" as Tyson put it.

Just then Kai walked in.

"Speak of the devil!" muttered Max, giving Kai a glare. Rei glanced at Max with surprise.

"That's the first time I've ever heard you sound pissed!" he exclaimed.

"Well," spat Max. "Someone with an insane streak put melted marshmallows in my bed. It took me 3 hours in the shower to get clean. Not to mention another 6 to clean the bed!"

Rei winced. "Point taken."

Chibi Kai tried not to laugh. He was the one who had put the marshmallows in Max's bed. And tomorrow night it would be the yucky parts of a selection of slimy amphibians. Then it would take Max more then 9 hours to clean up!

On the bus Chibi Kai insisted they listen to Kai's music. This was because he also liked the same style and bands. Unfortunately, he was only one.

"Turn it down!" screamed Hilary for the tenth time over Marilyn Manson. Kai ignored her. For the tenth time.

By the time they got to the place they would be walking, Hilary was hoarse. Of course, Kai pointed this out as a good thing.

"Asshole…" muttered Max, sending Kai an amazingly evil glare. Rei blinked. Everyone was going insane! Hilary was jumping up and down, waving her arms around and trying to convey her directions without a voice, Max was foaming at the mouth and Tyson was rocking backwards and forwards, softly singing 'the Nobodies'.

"We're the nobodies…. Want to be some bodies…"

"Die, Kai…Oh, I'll kill you! I'll kill you… ni, ni…"

Kai, of course, heard none of this, or if he did, he totally ignored it.

"Right, let's go!" he ordered. Max's eye twitched. He followed behind Kai, his hands making squeezing then twisting motions. Tyson shuffled along, still humming. Rei quickly started forward, with Hilary and Chibi Kai behind him.

Just 10 minutes into the walk, Rei, while climbing over a large log, tripped and landed awkwardly on his ankle. It buckled, sending him crashing to the ground. The rest of the teenagers crowed round. Kai bent down, ignoring Max's cries of, "Get your hands off him, you blood sucking freak!" He helped Rei into a sitting position.

"Did you hear a crack?" Kai asked. Rei, taking deep breaths, shook his head. Kai undid Rei's wrist bindings, using them to strap his ankle. They turned to face the path. A huge hill loomed in front of them.

"We have two choices-" Kai started.

"Three," Max corrected under his breath.

"We can either continue-"

"Or kill you," said Max.

"Or turn back. But if we turn back-"

"Someone might find the body…"

"-then we have to stay the night in the open as the car's on the other side."

There was silence, finally broken by Tyson's off key singing.

"Let's keep going," said Rei. His ankle was killing him, but there was no way the others would suffer because of him. Kai nodded.

"Fine. But I want you to take it easy. Here, lean on me."

Ignoring Max's hiss, Rei lent on Kai and they continued. After half an hours walking, they still weren't at the top.

Rei asked for a rest, so the group stopped.

"What's the time?" Max asked Hilary, who checked her watch.

"Lunch time," she answered (she'd got her voice back). Tyson's head shot up.

"Lunch?" it was the first thing he'd said that wasn't by Marilyn Manson since they'd got off the bus. Hilary smiled and started handing out sandwiches.

"Wait! Where's Kai?" she suddenly screeched. Kai raised an eyebrow.

"Right here you idiot!" he snapped. Hilary ignored him.

"Kai! Kai, where are you?" Kai turned to Rei.

"I think she's lost it…" he commented. Max rose to his feet.

"Says you!"

"Max?" Kai clearly didn't have a clue.

"You put melted marshmallows in my bed!" (Max)

"Kai? Come out! Kai?" (Hilary)

"What? Why would I do that?" (Kai)

"Because you're a freak! You belong in an institute!" (Max)

"Like Balkov Abbey?" (Kai)

"Mmm… Food…" (Tyson)

"Guys, stop it!" (Rei)

"SHUT UP, Rei!" (Kai and Max)

"Kai? It's not funny anymore! Where are you?" (Hilary)

"Fine! I've had it with your immaturity! I'm going back to Russia!" (Kai)

"Good!" (Max)

"Kai!" (Kai)

"Yes?" (Chibi Kai)

"What! There you are…" (Hilary)

"…This is the new shit… Stand up and admit…" (Tyson)

"Can we go home?" (Rei)

"SHUT UP, Rei!" (Kai and Max)

Will they ever get out and go home? Will Kai really go to Russia? Will they ever listen to Rei? Am I completely out of it? The answer to all of them is… I'LL TELL YOU IF YOU REVIEW! Remember, the fate of this story is in your hands! 0.o


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter: 9? 8? I think it's 8… yep, EIGHT!

Kevin's 14! Ah hem… Look, do you want me to continue or not? I'll be happy to stop if you all want! Yay! 50 Reviews! I'm so hyper! I mean, happy, yeah, happy…

Reviews: scroll down and find your name if you have ever reviewed 

**Sasuto**: I will thanks.

**Scars of the Pheonix**: Na ah. No Kai/Hilary. Never, ever, unless Kai was faking and was actually going to kill Hilary or something.

**Drago-kai: **freaky? Why?

Kiko cat: sounds good? I'm offended. It doesn't just _sound _good, it _is _good! LOL DarkWarrior188: Hmph. Patience is a virtue. 

**Queen of fantasy: **jeez, not that funny. Please, don't suffocate… god.

**Star parrot: **yes, I like the penguin too. Although I'm glad nobody mentioned Animal Rights…

**Meg Jennings: **you're right, the ambulance guy wouldn't just say that… that is, if he were somber/sane/smart, which he's not. Just 'cause this story isn't believable doesn't mean I can't write it. I mean, c'mon, Beyblade full stop is complete bullshit! Chibi kai fell out of the tree because… read on, review nice and I might actually write it into the story. And don't insult a person for your own lack of comprehension. Heh, heh big word.

**Some person:** nah, no Kai/Hilary. What made you think I'd do that in the first place? Ahem. Yes, I brought in an OC, but I kinda hate girl OCs, so she went. Thanks for the YAY! …I think…

**Sore Kai: **what's with the name? Yes, I updated. No, not soon.

**Sasuto: **huh? Kai soup? WTF? Yes, this whole fic is the sugars fault too…

**Queen of Fantasy: **you really thought it was gross? Ah well, some others liked it. Tragedy? Drama? Nope, pure humor! Unless… you have my sense of humor, in which case, this story is lame. Yes, that's my opinion. I can't see why people (like you) say to keep writing.

**Kiko cat: **Stupid…Whadda mean 'what happened'? Sheesh!

**Queen of fantasy: **hello again. Um, angsty? Are you trying to place this in any genre other then humor? Jeez. And your right. This IS my story.

**Random Reviewer: **sorry, to late… pairings all the way. Don't worry, it'll only add to the humor.

**Rebecca-1769: **yeah… get a vocabulary.

**Ellen: **thanks. I love it when people say this is random. It makes me feel special. I think the penguin should receive some sort of award, it's all people talk about.

**T.K: **more demo boys coming up! so what you're a girl? Why the fuck would I care? And Kai should never be pronounced Kay, 'kay?

**Darka-chan: **thanks mate.

**Tala's Twin Sister: **Tala doesn't have a twin sister. But thanks, although you don't exist.

**Pheonix roar: **No…Kai…Hilary! I can't stand that bitch! She's only in the f ing story someone has to be all nosy and sympathetic to Chibi.

**T.K: **Yes, Hilary is stupid. Please stop laughing, you need an arse.

**Ellen: **no dah… idiot. And Chibi can't be a bad man, 'cause he's like, 6!

**Kairi Hiwatari 13: **Hey, honey! Yay! Me be number 1! 2 in the morning? You nut case. That explains a lot. God, I should have never have introduced you to My bad…WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP LAUGHING YOUR ARSES OFF! YOU NEED THEM! And what the fuck does Midnight Shadowz mean?

**Tala Lover for al time: **heh, heh…sure you can be in my fanfics… heh, heh, not! Sorry, there's no room. Plus I don't know enough about your character.

**Sweet Stealer:** Hi! Sorry, I really hate Kai X Hilary…. No, really, I mean, HATE K/H….

**Sweet Stealer:** You again? Ouch? Cold? Ya sure? Oh, all right, maybe a little!

**Kouseki Yumi: **Kai's always pushes the limit! God… What do you mean, 'What the hell did I do?' I did what any mean, evil, cruel author with a huge ego would do! And yes, this is disgusting, perverted and it does suck. Oh, you were kidding?… Sorry, forget I agreed with you.

**Lights dieing fire: **thanks, I will! Um, what messed Kai's head up? Yeah, you'll find out later! When I actually work it out myself…

**Tala-Wolborg-Girl: **nah-ah! No more OCs from you scary Tala obsessed fan girls! I can't fit you in, the story line is already (kinda) made! Seriously, if I had to put you in, I'd just end up killing you anyway!

**Kairi Hiwatari 13:** It's all right! Thanks for reviewing!

**Ellen: **Hi! Again. LOL! Why will it be interesting? 0.0?

**Unicorn 13564: **I know, I know… huh? I'm not sure, what _is _Kai's full name? It might be Kai Alexander Hiwatari… Or it could be Kai Ilea Hiwatari… Alexander is just a name I took from a friend's (K H 13) little brother. He's a prick, so hey! Go figure!

**Pheonix Maker: **I don't take bribes… unless they're in cash…

**Ruler of the Dark: **Beggars are losers! Piss off. Hey, what is with you people and 'something' you arse off? You'll hunt me down if I stop writing, huh? Why don't you just a write a complaint to my boss? Satan's always looking for a reason to punish his underlings.

**Ruler of the Dark: **humph. Just cause I write in a cliffy doesn't mean I'm gonna resolve it… I'll just leave ya hanging!

**Louise: **Really? How sweet!

**Evilpunkgoth: **Hi Sally…

**Evilpunkgoth: **god, I love that! Hear that everyone? R.I.P Penguin!

**Evilpunkgoth: **Jap test was easy, ni? Oh, we gotta thank Sam for the answers! LOL!

**Kai Hiwatari 1: **thanks, although not gonna happen! I'm slow cause I'm lazy! And I like to keep you guys waiting!

**Aiden Lilith: **isn't a lilith a kinda fairy thingy? Heh, heh, too much Wicca for me!

**RavenToriBlack: **yes, that's a great idea! But I've got a better one! Although I must agree! We are wicked!

**Kairi Hiwatari 13: **hey, Marilyn Manson rocks! You are so shallow if you thought that was unexpected! The characters always like what I want them too! Anyway, doesn't M/M sound like the kinda music Kai would like? Tortured, spastic, painful? I mean, come on, the titles give it away: Disposable Teens, Personal Jesus, New Shit, and Nobodies! Plah-Ease!

**Pheonix Maker: **no, no, you don't get it! I bribe, you beg!

**Ellen: **Mass confusion? You try writing it!

**Ashley: **Thanks… 0.o

**Sennedjem**: YAY! I'm so happy you reviewed! Glomps to you too, honey! Um… why? And what do you mean you know what you're talking about? We all say that, and only a quarter of us are actually telling the truth! Oh, and reply to my emails GDI!

**Evilpunkgoth: **okay…. I count this as a review… wait, it IS a review… 0.o? Right, now I'm confused? What looks like a hamburger?

**Kai Hiwatari 1: **yeah, all insane! .

**School of boredom: **why does everyone think it's insane… c'mon, I'm insane, so my works insane… get it?

**VGMaster04: **duh…

**Eternal Hell Spawn: **didn't anyone tell you my evil plan for taking over the world involves all people spilling juice on themselves? Well, it does. Yes… Kai humps trees… not.

"Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we please go home now?" Rei's eyes filled up with tears as he pouted at the older teen, who sighed.

"C'mon."

The group got to their feet except Max who glared at Kai.

"Max…" muttered Kai threateningly. Max continued to glare.

"Look, Max, it wasn't me!" yelled Kai, finally losing his cool. Max raised an eyebrow.

"Ya sure?" he snapped. "'Cause you did the penguin trick, trashed a vase and got sent to hospital?"

Hilary nodded slowly.

"True…"

Kai spun around to face her.

"Don't tell me you actually agree with him?" he howled. Chibi Kai couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

The 5 teens turned to glare at the laughing Chibi.

"Yes?" growled Kai. Chibi Kai squeaked and hid behind Hilary. Max's eye twitched.

"It was…YOU!" Max launched himself at Chibi Kai.

Hilary stood still screaming, while Max chased Chibi Kai in circles around her. Tyson joined in, although he was running in the opposite direction of the other two. After a few seconds he continued his off key singing.

"…Babble, babble, bitch, bitch, rebel, rebel, party, party, sex, sex, sex and don't forget the violence, blah, blah, blah got your lovey dovey sad and lonely, stick your stupid slogan and everybody sing along…"

Kai groaned and whacked his head on a tree, before wrapping an arm around Rei. The two of them started to walk.

Tyson followed them, his singing growing louder the closer he got to them. Rei shuddered and turned to Kai.

"Can you please do something about him?" Kai frowned.

"Physical or mental?"

"BOTH!" screamed Rei as Tyson stepped up next to him. Kai grabbed Tyson's hat.

"Hey, give that back!" yelled Tyson.

"As long as you stop singing," said Kai calmly.

Tyson bit his lip. "Fine!"

"Good," said Kai. He hurled the cap as high as he could (A/N: which was pretty high). It caught on a branch near the top of a huge tree (A/N: told you it was high). Tyson let out an anguished scream, which brought Max, Hilary and Chibi Kai running.

"What's wrong?" gasped Hilary. Tyson could only gurgle as he stared horror struck at his cap.

"C'mon," snapped Kai, he and Rei moving forward again. "We're almost there."

They continued to walk. After only 15 minutes, they saw the bus.

"Yay!" shouted Hilary. She ran down the hill, glad to be out of the bush. Tyson looked back once, sobbed, then he too ran out of the cursed woodland. Chibi Kai skipped forward, but Max grabbed him by the throat.

"I am-" he said with amazing calmness. "Going to kill you!"

Kai and Rei limped into view, just in time to see Max throw Chibi Kai's life less body away from him. Max wiped the blood off his hands before jumping back into the bus, his usual hyper grin back in place.

Kai and Rei rushed as fast as they could over to Chibi Kai. He was lying face down in the dirt, but when they got nearer to him, he rolled over and winked. Rei almost had a heart attack, but Kai just chuckled and helped his younger self to his feet.

Max and Tyson (who is now wearing his spare cap and isn't singing) were playing cards in Max's room. Kenny, who had stayed at home, was working on Dizzi, and Hilary was making dinner. Kai and Rei were sitting in Kai's room, talking.

"Why didn't you freak when Max killed Chibi Kai?" asked Rei.

"He wasn't killed," Kai said. Rei rolled his eyes.

"But it looked like it," he insisted. Kai shrugged.

"Hm," was all he said. Rei sighed in defeat.

"Fine. But then, why weren't you scared when Chibi Kai opened his eyes?"

"Because he wasn't dead," Kai said, giving Rei a look as if he thought the other teen was crazy.

"But-" started Rei.

"Look," interrupted Kai. "Chibi was faking. You'll see why he did it in a while. I should know, after all. I was him, he'll become me!"

Kai was right. In two mornings time, Max woke up screaming. Chibi Kai had completed what he set out to do. Max spent 7 hours scrubbing himself clean. He was forced to burn the bed sheets as the bodily bits of the amphibians refused to be cleaned out of the covers. It really didn't help that when he opened the cupboard to get new sheets, a blood soaked Chibi Kai fell out on top of him.

Please remember to review! Sorry, I think there's a repeat in a line or something, but my laptop won't let me fix, so blah! Thanks.


	9. Chapter 9

We're gonna party like it's ya birthday

We're gonna party like it's ya birthday

We're gonna party like it's ya birthday

C'mon shorty, party, it's ya birthday!

Heh heh.. just a rip off of 50 Cents song, with the words changed, cause… NEWS FLASH! It _is _my birthday! I turned yrs old… like I'd tell you… .

Any who… enjoy this special birthday edition.. got nothing to do with birthdays… but meh.

Here ya go:

"Hi! My name is Kai Alexander Hiwatari and I am only 6 years old! I like-"  
Just as he was talking, Kai burst into the room.

"Who the hell were you talking to?" he snapped, but then rolled his eyes at Chibi Kai who stood in front of the mirror. Kai humphed.

"What are you doing?"

"Masturbating! " said Chibi Kai cheerfully. Kai's jaw dropped and he stared at Chibi Kai, his eyes almost popping.

"Wh… where did you learn that?" Kai finally managed to croak. Chibi Kai smiled happily.

"The funny old man in the toilet. What does masturbating mean?"

Kai opened his mouth and shut it a couple of times. He looked more then a little uncomfortable.

"Um…" he gurgled. "Er… ask Rei."

Totally unaware, Chibi Kai skipped out the door, leaving Kai to eye the mirror suspiciously.

"Rei?" asked Chibi Kai, entering the kitchen and pulling himself up onto the bench where Rei was cutting onions.

"Yep?"

"What does masturbating mean?"

There was silence as Rei stared at Chibi Kai. Then:

"Awwwww-ooooooowwwww!" as the sharp (very sharp) knife Rei was using slipped.

"So?" Chibi Kai prompted a pale, bleeding Rei. "What does it men?"

"A-ask Hilary," gasped Rei, saying the first name that came into his head.

"Hilary?" asked Chibi Kai innocently, entering the lounge where Hilary and Tyson were cleaning spare Beyblade parts.

"Yeah, sweetie?" replied Hilary. Chibi Kai smiled his most angelic smile.

"What does masturbating mean?"

Hilary's expression went from one of indulgence to shock to horror and back to shock.

"Are you serious?" she finally squeaked. Chibi nodded, completely oblivious. Hilary stared at him, a small, slightly terrified look on her face.

"What's up?" asked Tyson, looking up at them for the first time. Hilary's face cleared, as if she had just been thrown a lifeline.

"Ask Tyson," she said desperately. Tyson raised his eyebrows.

"Ask me what?"

"What does masturbating mean?"

Tyson gave Chibi Kai an almost parental smile, full of amusement and understanding.

"Well," he began, but was interrupted by Hilary standing up and fleeing the room, her hands over her ears.

"Masturbation is when you-"

This time Max interrupted Tyson.

"What are you guys doing?" poor, naïve (soon to be scared for life) Max asked.

"I'm teaching Chibi Kai all about masturbating," Tyson informed Max. Max's face portrayed his horror. He picked his jaw off the floor, slowly beginning to back away, the fear still evident.

"Anyway," said Tyson. "as I was saying. Masturbation is when-"

"DIE!" Max came running back into the room, brandishing the knife Rei had cut himself with. "DIE!" he screamed again, aiming at Tyson.

"Yes, Max?" asked Tyson with amazing politeness, given the fact that Max was bearing down on him with a kitchen knife.

"DIE!" Max's hand arched downwards, the knife plunging towards Tyson. Suddenly, Max disappeared with a 'voosh' sound. All that was left was small mushroom cloud of baby blue smoke. Think nuclear holocaust explosion, downsized by about 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000… Yeah, you get the point.

Tyson stared at where Max _had _been standing, and then ran out the room, screaming at the top of his voice. Chibi Kai followed him, begging to be told the meaning of the still yet to be explained word.

Rei met them in the hall, hands on hips, one hand bandaged.

"You two aren't doing anything wrong too, are you?" he asked in an accusing tone.

"No, why?" asked Tyson, scratching his head. Rei shrugged, sighing slightly.

"Nothing, just that Kai just trashed the mirror upstairs."

Speaking of the devil, Kai came running downstairs, his scarf flying out behind him. Behind him was Max, still brandishing the knife, intent on destroying Kai.

Kai dodged behind Rei, panting.

"He suddenly burst out of the WARDROBE! What the fuck is going on?"

Nobody had an answer, and Max launched himself at Kai, who ducked behind Tyson. Max ground to a holt, standing just in front of a cringing Tyson.

With a calm, totally insane smile, Max raised the knife.

"Bye-bye!" he caroled, his baby voice not matching his cold eyes. Just as the knife sailed towards Tyson and Kai, there was a double 'voosh' sound, and all that remained of the two boys was a dark blue miniature mushroom cloud and a completely black one, with a hint of flame red at the center.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tyson looked at Kai.

"Where are we?" Kai swore and threw himself to one side, pulling Tyson with him.

"In the middle of a bloody busy ROAD!" he screamed. Even as he spun wildly around, looking for an escape, a two-ton truck bore down on them.

SMASH

SQUASH

SCREECH

Goodbye Tyson and Kai (A/N: hey, sorry, but that's the second time Kai's been hit by a truck…). The driver ran out of the truck, panicking. He was sure he had hit two teenage boys, but when he looked, all that was there were two very thin Uncle Toby's Roll Ups (A/N: TM R etc. I don't own…). The hungry truck driver picked them up and shoved them down his throat.

He was curled up on the side of the road, in absolute agony when the remaining Bladebreakers came upon him while looking for Kai and Tyson. They quickly took him to a hospital.

Later that afternoon, a tired looking nurse came out to see them.

"We're very sorry," she said. "But we weren't able to save him." She left the boys + Hilary, who filled in to pay their respects to the dead trucker.

To their amazement, Tyson was sitting in the hospital bed, looking like he'd just woken up.

"Yo…" he groaned. While the Bladebreakers stared, slack jawed and shocked, Kai came out of the bathroom, rubbing his arms looking disgusted.

"I… Just… Woke… Up… In bed… With… TYSON!" Kai gulped and rubbed his face, looking as if he was holding back his lunch.

"C'mon," said Max with a maniac glint in his eye. "Let's get you love birds home…" He was forced to run as an enraged Kai chased him from he hospital.

Back at the Bladebreakers house, Max looked himself in the dojo, forcing the others to gather around the door, wondering to his strange behavior.

The door suddenly swung open, and the group of teens tumbled in. Max was sitting in the middle of the room, in the lotus position, deep in meditation.

His eyes flicked open.

"Kai… I know where you live…"

Kai nodded. "Yeah, we share a house…"

"Kai… I know what you did last summer…"

Kai nodded again. "Yeah, we spent the holidays at a beach house… you were there too…"

"Kai… I know who you love."

Kai nodded again. "Yeah, I love – HEY! Wait a minute…"

Max grinned. "And know you're gonna DIE!"

The kitchen knife once more made its appearance, and once more made it's way towards a collision with Kai's heart.

Kai lent backwards, but he didn't need to. With a 'voosh' sound, Max disappeared, leaving behind him the tell tale mushroom cloud.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kai cracked open an eye. He had a blinding headache. He stumbled to his feet, and headed to fridge. Behind him, Rei also staggered up.

"What happened?" Rei croaked. Kai opened the fridge. It was full of empty glass bottles. Empty glass Vodka bottles. Lots of them. All empty.

"I don't know," said Kai blankly. Tyson pulled himself to his feet.

"Where's Max?" he asked. Kai opened the cupboards in the kitchen. Out fell several or the empty, glass, vodka bottles. They smashed on the floor, but there were plenty still sitting on the shelves.

"I don't know," Kai said, sounding just a little nervous. He left Tyson and Rei to wake up properly and went into his bedroom. The mirror was smashed and Kenny was lying passed out on the floor. Chibi Kai ducked under Kai's legs, standing up in front of him.

"What happened?" Chibi asked.

Kai pulled back the bed covers to reveal more then a few of the empty Vodka bottles. Mixed up in the glass bottles was a pair of Rei's undies and a pair of Kenny's.

Kai shuddered.

"I don't want to know…"

Chibi Kai nodded, looking equally grossed out. He headed downstairs and planted himself in front of Tyson.

"What does masturbating mean?"

The end…. For now…. Well, fine, chapter 9… but not chapter nine, if ya get me…

Any way, R+R, then R+R… . I'm so funny…


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Chibi Hell

Chapter: 10

It was dinner. The Bladebreakers, Chibi, Kai and Hilary sat around the table (Max was still missing). They were having soup, with home baked bread rolls.

Chibi Kai filled his spoon with soup and let it splash back into his bowl.

"What's the 'birds and the bees' mean?"

There was silence and Kenny dropped his spoon. It clattered across the table, most of the teens watching it, simply so they didn't have to look at Chibi.

Rei opened and closed his mouth, then looked at Hilary.

Hilary took a deep breath then flicked her head to stare at Tyson.

He gulped, chocked on his soup and gazed desperately at Kenny.

Kenny turned widely to Kai.

"The 'birds and the bees' refers to the sexual relationships between a male and a female."

There was a shocked silence. Kai continued.

"It comes from the period when hippies had intercourse in the open with-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" shrieked Hilary, jumping to her feet. "WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR ANYMORE! NEXT THING, HE'LL BE ASKING TO KNOW WHAT INTERCOURSE IS!"

"What's intercourse?"

"It's-"

"SHUT UP, KAI!" screamed Hilary, spinning around to face the door. "AND SHUT UP, MAX, WE DON'T NEED YOU ASKING THESE QUESTIONS, YOU-"

She blinked. "Max?"

"Hello!" said Max cheerfully. He walked further into the kitchen. There was still a stunned silence, so silent you could have heard a pin drop.

PING 

"Sorry," said Kai, picking up his pin. He turned to Max (A/N: I am going to ignore your facial expressions, you readers, you. LOL) and grinned.

"So, Max," he said. "Where did you go to after you disappeared, after you tried to kill me?" Kai thought for a second. "And Tyson."

"I was in a mental institute."

Another of those awkward, space filling silences followed this statement. Max was either ignored it or was still insane (or high) enough not to notice it.

"They cured me of my obsession of killing you, Kai," Max paused thoughtfully. "and Tyson. It also cured me of my reliance on sugar. I'm no longer addicted to it. Now, instead, I take marijuana to get HIGH!"

Max skipped out of the kitchen.

"Great to have gold ol' Maxi back!" said Tyson happily. Hilary screamed, pulling out half of her hair. She frothed at the mouth, pointing at Tyson and screaming in Jibberish.

"Jebiesz jeze (1) !" she howled. "JEBIESZ JEZE!" The froth pouring out of Hilary's mouth turned orange and she started to run around in a circle. She banged into a wall and lay there, twitching.

Kai calmly stood up as the others slowly backed away.

"Max?" said Kai, poking his head into Max's smoke filled room.

"Max, do you have one of your asylums business cards? You know, in case you overdose on sug- I mean, smack?"

Max pulled his joint out of his mouth, puffed out a heap of smoke to add to the cloud and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Come again?" said Kai.

"Yea, itsa goood… troppa draw… u eye in da troppa draw…"

"Sorry, Max," said Kai. "I don't speak 'high'".

Max staggered to his feet and stumbled to his chest of drawers. He thumped the top drawer, before collapsing backwards and passing out.

"OH!" exclaimed Kai. "Look in the top drawer! I am SO glade I learnt sign language."

Later, when Hilary had been removed for medical dissection, Kai took the others, though not Max, to the local mall.

Kenny pulled them all in front of a pet shop window.

"Awww…" cooed Tyson, tapping the glad and causing a young, was innocent puppy, to wet it's newspaper bed.

Kai entered the shop, making his (A/N: can we call them friends? Or just acquaintances? Nah, he lives with them…) friends blink in amazement. He came back out carrying a box. Tyson gasped in pleasure.

"You didn't! You bought the cute doggie?"

Kai gave Tyson a cool glare, smirking as the puppy in the window shrank behind it's water bowl. Kai turned to leave the mall.

"So? What did you buy?" whined Tyson. Chibi tugged Kai's jacket. And Tyson made the mistake of trying the same.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Kai! You're hurting me!"

Kai let go of Tyson's arm, the box still held unopened. Calmly, Kai made his way back to his car.

Rei hurried after him, reaching the curb just as Kai pulled away.

"Kai! WAIT!" Rei put his hands on his hips, glaring angrily at the back of Kai's car, watching it fade away.

Later that afternoon, Rei, Tyson, Kenny and Chibi were sitting in a café drinking milkshakes, when Kai strode into the room. He sat down at their table, clicking his fingers at a waitress. A 16 year old girls stomped over, looking pissed.

"Look, you, we're not your slaves and you have no right to be clicking your fingers at-"

Kai had turned and fixed her with a glare of his own. She fell silent; it was impossible for anyone to ignore Kai's evil eye. Kai twitched his fingers and the girl bent down to his level. He said something softly, almost silently into her ear. She blinked and opened her mouth as if to object. Kai sent her another glare and she hurried off.

"What was that about Kai?" Tyson asked.

"And why did you leave without us?" accused Rei.

"And what was in that box?" snapped Kenny.

"I wanna milkshake," chortled Chibi happily.

"Nothing; nothing; nothing; and that's nice…" murmured Kai, pretty much ignoring his friends.

The waitress returned with a tray baring a cup of coffee and four tall glasses filled with a chocolaty milk liquid, that COULD have been chocolate milkshake… and I was.

Kai accepted his coffee, while the others stared at the four milkshakes.

"Kai?" asked Rei. "You aiming on free entry to heaven or something?"

Kai rolled his eyes.

"Take them before I decide Hell isn't so bad!" he snapped. There was a sudden scramble to grab drinks. Within seconds all four milkshakes were gone. Kai took his first sip of coffee, eyes wide.

"So Kai?" asked Tyson, feeling surprisingly bold. "What was it you bought earlier?"

Kai slowly lowered his cup, ignoring the four pairs of puppy eyes gazing at him.

"A kitten," he said calmly. Chibi's eyes became even bigger and moist, the light reflecting in them several times over.

"A KITTEN? OH MY GOD! YOU BOUGHT _ME _A KITTEN!"

Kai raised an eyebrow, pulling a vague face. He muttered something about side effects to himself.

"HUH?" exclaimed Rei, even louder then Chibi. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"HANG ON!" yelled Tyson, even louder, if possible. "I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET AND DO A POOPY!"

Kai buried his face in his arms, an extreme show of emotion.

"YEAH!" agreed Rei. "ME TOO!"

Kai glanced around the café. Everyone was staring, wide eyed, at the teens.

"Omigod…" murmured Kai, hiding his face again.

"YEAH!" exclaimed Chibi. "I NEED TO GO POOPIES TOO!"

"OKAY! BUT I NEED TO DO WEE-WEE'S AS WELL!" shouted Kenny, managing to be the loudest. Kai stood up and hurried away to pay. He was waiting at the entrance when his team-mates (A/N: I still hesitate to call them friends, especially in this situation) came pelting out to meet him.

"KAI! KAI!" they screamed. "KAI! THE TOILETS ARE CLOSED!" Kai sighed and dragged them into the mall. After quickly consulting a shopping directory, he dragged them to the nearest toilets. They were closed for cleaning. They hurried to the next one. Closed for maintenance. By the time they found another set of toilets, Kai was having a lot of trouble keeping a straight face. The last toilets were outside, and totally disgusting. The male toilets were locked, as was the disabled. Tyson let out a strangled sound, somewhere between a scream and a howl, before dashing into the female toilets.

Rei hopped around for a moment, then followed. Chibi grabbed the edge of his tunic and, keeping close to the older boy, entered the unknown.

Kenny found it much harder to come to a decision. He hurried all the way to the door frame, but backed away almost instantly. But his 'need' drove him over the threshold. Kai was almost doubled over with laughter.

Suddenly, a women's yell resounded through the air. Kenny came sprinting out of the toilet, followed by Rei and Chibi. The sound of someone (A/N: heh heh… Tyson… ) being whacked over the head with something heavy reached them as they stood gasping behind Kai.

"She gasp was in one of the gasp cubicles and she gasp got mad at us gasp for some reason," Rei paused for breath, ignoring Kai's raised eyebrow. Rei continued. "She's go this evil, big, red handbag, which she's probably using to hit Ty with."

Kai frowned. Looks like the drugs are wearing off…" he said over Tyson's pleas for mercy.

"Yea – WHAT?" said Rei. "YOU drugged our milkshakes? So much for going to heaven…"

Kai smile sheepishly and shrugged. "Um.. yeah… whatever…"

Rei opened his mouth, fists clenched, ready to (A/N: try to…. smiles smugly ) skin Kai alive.

WHACK!

"You disgusting-"

WHACK!

"Little-"

WHACK!

"Perverted-"

WHACK!

"Revolting-"

WHACK!

"BOY!"

Tyson ran out of the toilets, bruises already starting to show up on his skin. He hid behind Kai, who cheerfully stepped to the side, allowing the women a clear view of the other two boys and Chibi.

Just as she continued to beat Tyson senseless (A/N: ahh… if only…), Kai stepped forward.

Excuse me, ma'am," he said courteously. The lady turned to him and yelled something in another language, which everyone was willing to bet was not a blessing upon Tyson, or Kai, or any teenage boy for that matter. Kai's face darkened, and he screamed back at her in the same language. They yelled abuse at each other for a few minutes, then suddenly fell silent. The anger drained from the ladies face. She lunged forward, as if to kiss Kai, who quickly turned and left her waving behind him.

"Ciao bello! Arriverdeci!" (2)

. SCENE CHANGE . 

Kai, Tyson (still black and blue), Rei and Chibi finally got home, only to find an ill looking kitten passed out on the floor, next to a pool of what looked a lot like kitten vomit.

Max crouched next to it, slowing rocking backwards and forwards, a thick joint stuffed between his lips. But their attention was drawn to the really big, huge, enormous, gigantic… you get the idea, it was big….knife held in his hand. It was raised above his head, poised to strike. Kai threw himself forward, arms outstretched as Max brought the knife down.

"OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!" yelped Max. He had missed the kitten and stabbed himself in the arm.

Kai gathered up his little kitten, glaring at max.

"What did you do to my kitten?" he growled in his most 'you will die now' voice. Max's eyes widened, and he would have looked innocent if it weren't for the knife, drugs and blood.

"I didn't do it!" he protested. "It was the sugar imp with the red hair. He, she, it did it!"

Kai rolled his eyes and stomped off to look after his poor, stoned kitty.

Later that afternoon, when it was almost time for dinner, Kai came down stairs to find the rest of the house trashed, and Chibi Kai nowhere to be found.

Rei and Kai pulled what remained of the house apart, shouting out for Chibi. They assumed he had trashed the house, as Max was locked in a broom cupboard. They realised that after seeing the smoke curl up from under the door. An hour of searching, dinner was ready, and Chibi was nowhere to be seen.

Tyson was already sitting at the scratched table when Rei and Kai entered the room.

"Ty, have you seen Chibi?" asked Rei.

"Nope, but I did see a little sugar imp with red hair!" replied Tyson. "How many points is that?"

Kai sighed. "Great, another druggie. Just don't touch my kitten… Maybe the smell of food will lure Chibi to us…"

They settled down to dinner. Half way through the meal, a hand shot out from under the table and grabbed a piece of chicken.

Rei ducked under the table. He made a shocked noise, and tried to stand up, but banged his head. He emerged clutching his skull.

"It's the sugar imp with red hair... and wings… looks kinda like Tala."

Kai groaned.

"Looks like you hit your head a little too hard."

Rei pouted as Kei got onto his hands and knees. A second later he sat back up, his face horribly calm.

"Who brought Chibi Tala into the family?"

He reached under the table and dragged out a miniature Tala, complete with wide innocent eyes and a fairy costume.

"So… if he's here… where's little Kai?"

Kai frowned. "That's almost a good question… but it came from you, so it sucks. Chibi Tala, where's Chibi Kai?"

"At home!" squeaked Chibi Tala, attaching himself to Kai's leg. Kai pushed him off.

"How do you know?" he asked suspiciously. Chibi Tala smile up at Kai, and re-attached himself to Kai.

"'Cause!"

Kai growled softly, cursing under his breath. Just before he could start strangling Chibi Tala, the phone rang.

"WHAT?" snapped Kai, picking up the receiver, Chibi Tala still clinging to him.

"Hello? Mr. Hiwitari?"

"Yes?"

"This is the Animal Protection Agency, or A.P.A. We are responding claims made a while ago about your conduct involving a penguin…"

THE END! (and I mean that literally… no more CHIBI HELL!)

for the sequel, review and make your desire for me to continue clear.

(1)You fuck hedgehogs!

(2)Goodbye, beautiful. See you later!


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